The Funniest Stories Straight Outta Florida
People do crazy things all over the world, but it seems like a lot of odd incidents occur in Florida. There must be something about the combination of heat and sunshine that make people act in peculiar ways. Sometimes they break the law, and sometimes they just simply exhibit such bizarre behavior that you don’t know what they were thinking. Check out some incredible true tales from Florida that involve everything over-exuberant drag queens to gaseous Dollar store customers. And it’s not just “Florida Man” having all the fun here, the ladies of the Sunshine State get involved too!
She Pulled An Alligator Out Of Her Yoga Pants During A Traffic Stop
In May 2019, a sheriff’s deputy in Charlotte County, Florida, stopped a man driving a motor vehicle for running a stop sign. Driver Michael Clemons, 22, told the deputy he and his passenger Ariel Machan-Le Quire, 25, were hunting for frogs and snakes under an overpass. Clemons allowed the deputy to search the truck.
The deputy discovered 41 three-stripe turtles in the woman’s backpack. He asked if there were any other animals hiding in the truck, and she removed a one-foot alligator from her yoga pants. The investigation was then handed over to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission.
A Woman Married A Ferris Wheel She Lovingly Called ‘Bruce’
A Florida woman named Linda Ducharme had such a strong attachment to a Ferris wheel that she decided to marry the inanimate object. As a teenager, Ducharme operated a Ferris wheel that she called “Bruce” in her hometown. She’d visit the amusement park at night so she could cuddle with him.
On a TLC show about people who fall in love with objects, Ducharme talked about how much she loved Bruce and how important it was for her to marry him. At one point she noted, “I ate the pizza with him, was able to have some intimate moments with him, and it felt like I had never left him.”
A Fight Over McDonald’s Ice Cream Resulted In Arson
In March 2014, a couple was ordering food from a McDonald’s drive through in Jacksonville when they got into an argument about a McFlurry. The woman wanted one, but her boyfriend didn’t want her to have it because he didn’t want her to gain weight. At one point an employee heard the woman threatening to blow up the McDonalds.
The woman then took matches and a gas tank out of the truck before setting the vehicle, a 1994 El Dorado, on fire. Meanwhile, her boyfriend started driving the car out of the parking lot. Employees called police, but the couple was never found or apprehended for their actions.
A Drunk Man Called 911 On His ‘Black Widow Spider’ Wife
In January 2018, police arrested William Rutger, 61, basically for drunk dialing. The very intoxicated Rutger called 911 to report that his wife was a “black widow spider.” His speech was slurred, his breath smelled like alcohol, and he was very incoherent. Police left the scene, notifying him that 911 was only for emergencies.
Two hours later, Rutger called police again to complain about his wife, obviously unaware that his actions would cost him. He was charged with misusing the 911 system and was sent to jail. He was released shortly afterwards after serving a bit of time behind bars.
An Intoxicated Man Thought A Bank Drive-Thru Was Taco Bell And Ordered A Burrito
In January 2018, Douglas Francisco, 28, was arrested in Tampa for mistakenly believing a bank drive-thru was a Taco Bell. The manager of Bank of America called authorities about an unconscious man behind the wheel in the bank’s drive-thru lane. When Francisco woke up, he asked for a burrito before driving into the parking lot.
Police arrived and found him in the running car. Francisco had delayed responses to their questions and made some strange comments. He also failed several sobriety tests. He was arrested and transported to the Hernando County Jail on a $1,000 bond.
A Lobster Tail Theft Didn’t Go Exactly As Planned
While food shopping at a grocery store in DeLand, a woman named Nichole Reed ordered seven lobster tails from the seafood department. After she received them, she proceeded to sneak off and hide them in her pants. The theft was captured on security cameras, and Publix employees called the police.
As Reed was walking out of the store, she was met with authorities outside. It turns out she planned on selling the crustaceans on the black market (their value was a total of $84) so she could buy a prescription painkiller. Since it was her sixth arrest, she was sent to jail.
Foul Flatulence Led To Aggravated Assault
One day a woman named Shanetta Yvette Wilson was in a Dollar General store in Dania Beach when she let her body do what the body does, without any regard for the other customers. Wilson emitted a loud, stinky fart in line, which was naturally upsetting to those who happened to be nearby.
One man in particular complained about her lack of etiquette and Wilson took it personally. Instead of being embarrassed or apologizing for her actions, she took a knife from her pocket and threatened to filet the guy like a fish. She was subsequently arrested for aggravated assault.
A Patron Sued A Restaurant Over A Drag Queen’s Enthusiastic Performance
In May 2015, a woman named Neldin Molina sued Hamburger Mary’s in Tampa for $1.5 million claiming she was injured by the bosom of a drag queen. Molina said she was eating with her friends at the restaurant while a drag queen show was going on. At one point, performer Amanda D’Hod allegedly pointed at her and came to her table.
Molina claimed D’Hod grabbed her head and wiggled his bosom against her face numerous times. Molina described it as “violently pounding” and said the action gave her excruciating pain. So she sued.
A Man Groped A Woman On A Flight Because Trump Said It’s Okay’
In October 2018, Bruce Michael Alexander, 49, of Tampa, Fla., was flying from Houston to Albuquerque on Southwest Airlines when he acted inappropriately with a female passenger. The woman told police Alexander was sitting behind her and touched her twice. She told him to stop and asked for a seat change.
When confronted by authorities, Alexander told police that he groped the woman because the President of the United States said it was okay to grab women in their private parts. Police arrested him, and he was sent to court for his crime.
A Woman Rode A Manatee And Paid The Price
Cuban immigrant Ana Gutierrez got caught doing something quite illegal in Florida involving a manatee in St. Petersburg. She was photographed riding one of the mammals, which is against the law. Police were contacted, and she was given a summons to appear in court. Unfortunately, she didn’t speak English and missed her court date.
As a result, a warrant was issued for Gutierrez, and she was arrested at the Sears store where she worked. She was then sent to jail for violating the Florida Manatee Sanctuary Act, which punishes people with a $500 fine or 60 days in jail.
A Heist Involving A Postal Worker & A Tricycle Went Awry
In December 2018, Leida Crisostomo, 52, exhibited bizarre behavior in the days leading up to the new year. She decided to take a tricycle ride around Collier County. In the process, she yelled and pointed a gun at random individuals. Then she threatened a postal worker and ordered him to give her a package from his truck. He conceded, and she put it in her tricycle basket and pedaled off.
Police eventually arrested Crisostomo and charged her with armed robbery and assault with a deadly weapon, despite the fact that she was brandishing a toy gun. She later blamed the voices in her head for her crimes.
A Man Took A Beer Run With An Alligator In His Arms
In July 2018, a man ran into a convenience store in Jacksonville with a live alligator with tape covering its mouth. Security footage of the incident showed an unidentified man holding the animal in his right hand and then asking the clerk, “Ya’ll aint out of beer are you?”
The man then looked at someone at the back of the store and said, “Is he taking the last bit of beer? You aren’t taking the last bit of beer are you?” The man then jokingly lunged at the other men in the store and grabbed a 12-pack of beer before exiting the establishment.
A Man Broke Into A Couple’s Home, Stole Their Booze & Crashed On Their Couch (While They Were Sleeping)
In June 2018, police arrested 53-year-old Brettan Houldin for burglary after he broke into a couple’s home, stole some alcohol, and stayed to hang out (half dressed) in their backyard. According to homeowner Jim Laurence, the man “drank a full bottle of champagne, a full bottle of wine, three beers.”
When police arrived, Houldin was trying to open a bottle of wine in the backyard. He had previously defecated throughout the house and fallen asleep on the couch. The couple had left their door open for their dog to go in and out. Houldin was sent to jail on a $20,000 bond.
A Man Hid His Legless, Fugitive Girlfriend From Police In A Plastic Storage Container
In May 2018, John Robert Carr Jr., 48, of Winter Haven was caught hiding his fugitive girlfriend in a plastic storage container. She was able to fit in the box because she didn’t have any legs. Carr was charged with resisting arrest after attempting to hide Krystle Lee Anderson, 39, from U.S. marshals and Polk County Sheriff’s deputies.
Anderson lost both her legs in 2015 after holding people hostage at a Burger King with a BB gun. She was injured in a subsequent shooting with police. She went on the run and was wanted on charges of false imprisonment for the fast food incident.
A Convenience Store Owner Put Up A Sign Preventing People From Warming Their Pee In His Microwave
In October 2018, a Florida gas station owner named Parul Patel was fed up with customers who kept warming up their urine in his microwave oven. So Patel, the owner of BP gas station and On the Fly convenience store in Jacksonville, put up a sign telling people not to do it.
Some people believe warming up your urine will help you pass a drug test. The convenience store is located within walking distance of two laboratories but neither one of them require samples for drug tests. Patel put up the warning after an aggravated women claimed there was no sign preventing her from warming up her pee.
Anti-Trump Citizen Went Crazy With Bananas At His Mar-A-Lago Resort
In January 2017, a woman fed up with President Donald Trump’s policies decided to take action. Kelly Wiedman, 48, was so angry with the nation’s leader that she traveled to his private country club, Mar-a-Lago, in Palm Beach. She walked in through the front door and tampered with all the computers in the lobby.
Wiedman opened word documents on the machines and wrote profanity-strewn messages about the president. But that wasn’t all. She then proceeded to remove bananas from the breakfast bar and took them into the parking lot where she smeared luxury cars with the potassium-rich fruit. Shortly afterward, security detained her.
A Man Hit A Guy With A Big Mouth Billy Bass Toy Fish During A Heated Argument
In April 2018, Gregory Carney, 54, from Sebastian threw a Big Mouth Billy Bass at another man during an argument. Carney chucked the toy fish so hard that it cut the man’s eyebrow. The pair were arguing because Carney was playing with the fish and annoying the other guy.
At one point, the man put the fish into the trash, and Carney got so mad that he pulled it out of the trash and threw it at the man. Carney later told authorities he didn’t mean to hit the guy and did so by accident. Carney was arrested and released on $500 bond.
Security Cameras Captured A Woman Wearing A ‘Won’t Be Caught’ T-Shirt While Stealing Perfume
In March 2015, two women stole $1,500 worth of perfume and cologne from an Ulta beauty supply store in Tampa. Security cameras captured the theft, and one woman had the audacity to wear a t-shirt that read, “Won’t Be Caught.” Authorities were irritated with the brazen crime and vowed to apprehend the criminals.
Even though their faces were clearly pictured on the security footage and authorities knew what type of car the women were driving, neither one of them was ever arrested for the crime. The pair managed to outmaneuver the police and live up to the t-shirt’s slogan.
Neighbors Had Mixed Feelings About One Man’s Naked Yard Work
A man in Stuart, Fla. has been doing yard work outside his home for years completely nude. In September 2018, neighbor Charlie Estes complained that he “walks around outside, he don’t care. He stands on his back porch.” It’s illegal to do so if the action involves breach of peace or lewd and lascivious behavior.
Interestingly, some neighbors support the man’s unusual behavior. “Literally they are the nicest people you’ll ever meet they would give you their clothes if they had them on to give them to you,” said neighbor Aimee Canterbury. As long as the man stays in his fenced-in backyard, he’s not breaking the law.
A Woman Booby Trapped Her Home With Thousands Of Knives, Swords, And Fake Body Parts
Nickcole Dykema had a bit of an obsession for bladed weapons and firearms. She was once arrested for carrying a concealed firearm without a permit, and in 2015 was apprehended for violating parole. Authorities went to her mobile home to take her into custody and were met with much more than they expected.
They found over 3,700 swords, knives, and daggers set up at her residence like booby traps. There were also tons of fake body parts throughout the home. She tried to attack them with a katana (a Japanese sword). She was arrested for assaulting a police officer, and several people were injured trying to navigate through her home during the process.