We’re not sure that any of these anti-theft signs have deterred criminals but they’ve sure given us a bunch of laughs. Whether out of desperation or simply to drive home a point, these hilarious signs are entertaining while also driving home messages born out of either boredom, frustration, or both.
Stop Stealng Lettrs!
Seriously? What has your life come to when you’re busy stealing letters from a motel’s advertising sign? We can’t help but notice that most of the letters stolen were vowels. There’s someone out there trying to make mostly nonsensical words from their stolen sign letters.
A few more stolen vowels and this motel won’t be able to tell people to stop selling their letters. On a positive note, Wheel of Fortune has taught us that they can always buy more vowels.
Bee Careful What You Steal
While we appreciate a really good theft sign troll, we appreciate them even more when a city is responsible for putting the signs up to offer a hilarious suggestion.
The real question is how someone would go about stuffing thousands of angry poisonous bees into their purse. Also, how do you keep the bees quiet so the thief will open the purse without realizing what is contained inside the decoy?
Anti-Depressant Humor That Made Us Smile. That’s Not Easy
The Indian Hills Community Center has gone viral on numerous occasions for posting signs that poke fun at a bunch of different topics. The center posts the signs regularly online and they pretty much always go over with big laughs. This time, they focused on anti-depressants.
The play on words had us laughing the second we read the sign. We hope it also made you as happy as the person who stole the medication.
We’re All For Shoplifting Ghosts
Honestly, we could deal with the prison term and the monetary fine but being haunted by a ghost for the rest of our lives is just too much.
It’s a little harsh to sic a ghost on someone for the rest of their life. What was this person stealing? A car? Maybe a one-year haunting would suffice, based on the price and quantity of the items being stolen from the store.
Shoplifting Shouldn’t Have Eternal Punishments Attached
The Clays Mill Road Baptist Church had its AC units stolen and they used the very expensive theft as an opportunity to tell a joke. The sign reads, “Whoever stole our AC units keep one. It is hot where you’re going.”
We appreciate it when a church can troll thieves with humor. Here’s to hoping the AC unit thief drives by and thinks about this sign for a good long while.
Think Of The Puppies!
If you’ve ever watched a Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercial you’ll immediately understand the emotional pain this sign is promising to deliver.
Whether it’s McLachlan’s trademark voice getting stuck in their head or thoughts of all the sad puppies out there, we truly hope any would-be thieves learn an important lesson when caught.
This Is A Purrrfect Anti-Theft Sign
Honestly, we didn’t realize that stuffing cats into bags was something a thief does. We’re actually kind of surprised the loud meow from the cats didn’t lead to some questionable looks and maybe an arrest or two.
What’s even more shocking is the number of cats that were stolen. If you have to institute a bag check policy to stop cats from getting stolen, you might want to relocate your business to a better area.
Dexter Would Be Proud Until He Came For The Store Owner
We really hope customers thinking of shoplifting actually took the time to read this entire note. We also have to appreciate the cultural reference made by the shop owner.
Is it weird that the shrinkwrap part of this notice freaked us out more than the suggested Dexter-related part of this note? The moral of the story is that you should never steal because you might just send a business owner over the edge these days.
Shoplifters Aren’t Walking Out Of This Situation
First off, “prospective shoplifters” sounds like they’re trying to recruit people to steal from their store. If the CCTV system they claim to have hooked up doesn’t stop shoplifters, maybe the promise that they’ll need a cane for at least six months will do the job.
We appreciate the upsell. But what’s to stop the shoplifters from also trying to just steal the walking sticks, you know, just in case they get caught?
Just Turn Around And Leave If You See This Sign
We kind of appreciate the not-so-subtle nature of this messaging. Unfortunately, we don’t know what business posted the sign so there’s no way of knowing whether they have ever followed through with this threat.
At the end of the day, small business owners are already struggling and we appreciate their attempt to warn customers while also putting a smile on our face. If they’ve followed through, we truly hope the shoplifter paid more in hospital fees than they would have just paid for the merchandise they were trying to steal.
Direct And To The Point
Stealing might help someone make a quick buck but when it goes sideways the results can be life-threatening. This sign doesn’t waste any time in warning would-be thieves to back off.
The real question is whether the owner of this sign would follow through on their threat. Sometimes the best deterrent isn’t action but the promise of action. In any case, it gave us a good chuckle during our first read-through.
I Bet This Thief Didn’t CD This Sign Coming
There are actually people in this world breaking into cars to steal CDs. The sign reminds those thieves that there’s this thing called the internet and that’s where most people are getting their music these days.
As if that’s not bad enough, many CDs can be picked up at pawn shops for pennies on the dollar these days. This thief is breaking into cars and stealing one of the most worthless items they could take from inside the car. Wow.
DOWn’t Take Someone Else’s Food
We appreciate this sign because it addresses both stealing and the economy in a funny but responsible manner.
We’re going out on a limb and guessing that someone stealing other people’s lunches has no grasp of basic economic principles or decency. We’re also waging that this person is easy to spot because of their socially awkward interactions with people at work and their general disregard for the feelings of anyone but themselves. Go find a new job, Karen.
We’re Seeing A Pattern With This Guy
This store had to reprint a picture of a thief after the guy stole the original photo they posted of him. We have a feeling this is going to lead to a vicious cycle of stolen and reprinted signs.
Also, we’re kind of impressed in a really sad way that the thief returned to the store, saw his photo, and decided to steal for a second time. Come on dude, it’s pretty obvious they have cameras since they caught you stealing on one of them.
Kanye West, Defender Of The Hamburglar
Look at the photo attached to this notice and then read what was written. We could actually see Kanye West pulling this after his stunt with Taylor Swift.
But seriously, can we talk for a moment about the Hamburglar, because that dude was constantly stealing, became an icon for decades, and was never actually tried and convicted for his constant shoplifting of McDonald’s hamburgers. The Hamburglar really is the best food thief of all time, hands down.
An Unfashionable Crime
Make sure you read this funny theft sign all the way to the very end. These guys were stealing bikes without realizing that they were being caught on security cameras.
As if having their faces plastered all over the area wasn’t bad enough, their sense of fashion was also called out at the very bottom of the sign. In all fairness, that guy really can’t pull off the white socks with black trousers look. Sometimes, the truth hurts.
Condiment Containers Will Self-Destruct If Stolen
If we’re being honest, this would make us want to take one of the condiment shakers even more. Could it be true? Is the owner of this restaurant a former demolition expert who is sick and tired of having their parmesan cheese stolen?
Whatever the case might be, it’s hard enough to run a profitable restaurant. Please think twice before you steal something that will only cost you a few dollars to buy on your own.
We’re Okay With The Surveillance In This Case
We don’t love the idea of being watched by security cameras, especially when they are outside. With that being said, there are times when having a camera outside is a win-win for both a business and the people visiting that business.
The next step might be installing a porta-potty. We have a feeling that cameras are not going to stop someone who is doing this outdoors in the first place.
Maybe the thief being called out in this sign collects cases for games. Maybe they’re just not very intelligent and haven’t learned their lesson after the first few times they stole and opened up empty cases.
This guy and the person in our CD example should team up and form the world’s dumbest criminal duo. They could give the Sticky Finger Gang from the Home Alone movies a run for their money, but in real life.
Medieval Fashion? Like Wearing Uncomfortable Corsets?
There are so many medieval ways this could play out and we’re pretty sure none of those ways are going to leave a happy thought inside the shoplifter’s head.
This might be a simple sign but it sends a strong message. We think that message is, “we have a lot of sharp objects on sticks and we’re sick and tired of having stuff stolen from our store.” Whatever ‘medieval fashion’ entails, we prefer to skip finding out what the sign’s endgame actually includes.
Thank You For Letting Me Know
I was about to crawl over this chest-high railing to leave the hotel instead of walking myself all the way down the hall and through the lobby to the door. Thank God this sign let me know that I’m actually on the third floor! Wow, that would have been super embarrassing!
You just know that this exact scenario actually took place here. There’s simply no other explanation for putting up signs like this.
We’re Begging You…
Whatever you do, please do not breathe under the water. Just wtf on this one. Do the pool owners not know that it’s literally impossible for humans (and animals who don’t already live in the water) to breathe when they’re submersed?!
I get that it’s really important to emphasize pool safety in these lawsuit-happy times, but this is ridiculous. The much smaller sign next to this one has the important info, like no rough play(something that might actually happen). Shouldn’t that sign be the bigger one?
When You’re Not Sure Which Side Of The Bridge To Drive On…
It’s something most of us face every time we drive over a bridge… that panic when you’re not sure whether you’re supposed to be on the concrete or the water side. Luckily for us, clever designers have come up with signs like the one here. Bikes are supposed to ride on the bridge, and cars drive just off to the side (right in the water).
Clearly, this fail was executed by the people who hung the sign versus the ones who made it. But it’s still pretty funny. Wonder how long this one was left up before someone realized the error.
A Pants Off Dance-Off, Maybe
Just what do you think the story is behind this winner of a sign? “Sandals only. Strictly enforced. NO PANTS ALLOWED.” I’m imagining a place full of people dressed like Winnie the Pooh (meaning shirts only, nothing at all on the bottom) but with sandals on as well.
Also, how strictly do they enforce the sandal rule? Are Birkenstocks OK? Flip flops? I’m going to need a lot more information about this special place. And by the way, I’m not judging, just curious. Sandal-curious.
Here’s a safety tip for next time you’re at the beach. If you spot someone drowning in the water, you’re supposed to immediately have a good chuckle. Once the laughing fit has passed, call 911 and get the drowning person the help they urgently need.
Oh wait — that sign doesn’t say “lol” after all. It’s a crude sketch of a drowning person, waving their arms in the air above the water to indicate that they need assistance. Oops. My bad. I’ll get this right the next time I see someone drowning. Promise.
They Just Don’t Want Us To Have Nice Things
Stop right there, young lady! Get those lovely long tresses out of the toilet at once. And you, sir, need to remove your business suit from the john. Can’t you read? The sign clearly states that you are NOT SUPPOSED TO WASH YOUR HAIR OR CLOTHING IN THE TOILET.
Obviously, the word “toilet” here means bathroom. So this sign makes a little more sense. But I’m still having fun picturing fancy people lining up to luxuriously lather up their hair and delicate lingerie in the public toilet bowl.
For The Love Of God, Remove The Kid First
OK, this one is obviously not a true sign, but it’s still a cautionary message worthy of including on this list. This is a garment label with size info and washing instructions. Pretty standard stuff… Size 3-4 Y, made of polyester. Wash in 40-degree water, don’t iron or machine dry. Got it.
But wait, what’s this other line? “Remove child?” Crap, I hadn’t thought of that. I’m so, so thankful that I read the tag before tossing Johnny’s Superman pajamas in the wash with him still wearing them…not sure how I would have explained this one to his mom.
Hmmm, I Think I’ll Just Hold It Until We Find Another Restroom
Isn’t “toilette” like a fancy word for bathroom? I know it definitely means bathroom in French, but the other sign is in English. So I’m going out on a limb and suggesting that using the word “toilette” is meant to indicate that this is indeed a super-fancy loo.
So fancy, in fact, that it comes with a bunch of bees. The situation is apparently bad enough that it required a “beware of the bees” sign that’s larger than the “toilette” sign. Those must be some mean bees.
A Real Lifesaver
Here’s another sign that probably saves hundreds of lives every year. You see, it tells us that the road is unsafe to use if it’s underwater. Most people wouldn’t know this and would simply try to drive their cars underwater, heading straight for their watery graves.
Also, where IS this? And why does the sign look like it’s been through a Mad Max-style apocalypse? Maybe this area does get some crazy terrible weather and the sign is legit. If that’s the case, then I apologize for teasing.
Watch Your Step
Oh, dear. I’m not even sure what might have been going through this sign designer’s mind when they were putting this one together. They obviously wanted to convey that there’s some type of hazardous situation coming up, but why did they include a graphic of a wheelchair traveling up a flight of stairs?
Seriously, what part of “watch your STEP” inspired the inclusion of a wheelchair? Also, it doesn’t look like there are any stairs ahead in this photo. So this whole sign is a big old fail.
Oh, This Isn’t Allowed?
Wait a second…you’re telling me that this isn’t allowed? Come on, man! We’ll still get it in the bowl, we promise! Some of you might have trouble aiming at the bowl while facing it, but that’s what new challenges are for!
In all seriousness, we’re extremely concerned that this is an actual sign that exists. What’s even more concerning is that a business actually felt the need to go out of their way and purchase it. We’re not going to ask any questions, because we don’t even want to know!
Think Of The Animals
This is a lesson most of us slept through in biology class, but it’s important to know the difference between a carnivore, a herbivore, and an omnivore. Also, no matter how cute the seals look, do NOT enter their enclosure and do not lean on the fence.
The people working at the zoo care more about their animals than they do the humans who come to see them. Their brutal honesty is laid out in this sign.
You Are NOT A Fly!
Unfortunately, humans don’t always listen to the rules. Thanks to their lack of judgment, these signs are out and about because people do as they please. They don’t care about the consequences until they’re caught. Yeah, maybe you should have thought about not touching the fly traps!
We have to give this plant nursery credit for creating a warning sign that’s informative yet still positive and light-hearted. Chances are, lots of people don’t realize touching the fly traps is bad for them!
Aiming Is Considerate
Sometimes men can be real jerks! This sign is not asking for anything too insane or illogical. In fact, it’s something that they should have known how to do for the greater part of their lives. The establishment just wants bathroom goers to be a little nicer. The play on words is great too!
Hopefully, this attention-grabbing sign gets the job done. That is, unless the person reading it becomes too distracted while… well, you know the rest.
There are two possibilities for this amazing sign. Either that is an accurate interpretation of what people look like when they slip on a wet surface or people that walk on this particular surface feel compelled to throw out some jazz hands.
Honestly, I’d be okay with slipping if jazz hands were my fate. I might even welcome it! It looks pretty fabulous and there are worse things in life than a case of jazz hands.
Sounds Like Something a Ghost Would Say
I’m not falling for this one again! The last time I bought a house that claimed it wasn’t haunted I ended up calling an exorcist! Whatever ghosts set up this sale could work harder to be friendlier.
There is always the chance the ghostly resident just wants someone to play rummy with. If you’re willing to take that chance go ahead and call up Chase Hicks. He could probably hook you up with a roommate, too.
A Sign For The Ages
Everyone knows what the red hexagonal sign above is the universal signal for, “stop.” Whoever made this particular sign has a sense of humor about it. If only every stop sign was branded with the word “dur.”
Of course, maybe we need this sign because fewer people would roll through them if they were made to feel bad about themselves first. If you don’t stop at the ‘dur’ sign we don’t really know how to help you. It’s just too late.
Don’t Mess With Mountain Folk
Honestly, is there anything worse than slow drivers who clog up the left lane? What about those who stay in the left lane despite all of the cars passing them?! This is a serious epidemic that apparently, only the mountain people can cure with pure sass. If you’re driving in the fast lane, looking for that next exit going five under the speed limit on the highway, you’re going to make enemies.
No one likes being stuck behind someone who’s in the wrong lane and this town isn’t afraid to tell you like it is. Next week it might read “take a hike!”
This Sign Is Brutally Honest
This sign is the littlest bit funny. Obviously, a pedestrian getting hit by a car is no laughing matter, but this graphic is pretty silly. Unfortunately, it’s the brutally honest truth of living in a big city where drivers are nuts and people are commuting on foot or by bike everywhere.
It seems like drivers don’t even try to avoid you these days, so you better watch out for yourself!
This Doesn’t Look Promising
The first question you should ask yourself when walking through a wooded area is “exactly how many hands are going to be reaching out at me as I run by?” This sign is just about as creepy as it gets.
Does it mean that there are people hiding in the bush who are prone to grabbing other people who walk the path? This sketchy little drawing leads us to believe it!