Bumper Stickers You’d Laugh At If You Saw Them In The Wild
Like tattoos for your car, a bumper sticker tells you a lot about the person that you're driving behind. A certain category of people are willing to put a sticker on their car, and there's a big market for bumper stickers.
Some people prefer to take the funny approach, others take the aggressive "get back or else" approach, and then there are just plain strange ones that you come across. All of them can be appreciated in their own way.
Use Your Blinker
We're not saying that the Lord would be disappointed in you for changing lanes on the highway without signaling...but this person is definitely saying that, and we're not going to argue with it.
They sound so confident in their statement, too. "I bet Jesus would have used His turn signals" And they didn't forget to capitalize the H in "his." These people seem to really know what they're talking about when it comes to Jesus's driving habits.
Self-Promote Whenever Possible
We can appreciate a little self-promotion as much as the next person, but if you're going to try to get people to buy your beer, you should probably make the website a little bigger.
"I make my own beer... so I got that goin' for me... which is nice." Yes, they're self-promoting but it's in the most polite way ever. Not in-your-face like some other bumper stickers we've seen on the roads.
Is There Anyone Who Doesn't?
There are few people who could say that they wouldn't stop at the chance for a bacon-wrapped hot dog (don't lie, you probably would), but does it really warrant a bumper sticker?
We don't know, but this sticker might have been placed here by a friend who was playing a joke on a vegan buddy or something. Because that would be a pretty hilarious prank to pull and see how long it took for them to notice.
Listening Skills Not On Point
"My wife told me that I am not listening or something." She also probably told you not to buy this bumper sticker because she didn't think it was funny, but we're guessing that you tuned out of that part of the conversation too.
We're digging the "On/Of" switch label too... or is the second F in "off" just hidden from sight in the photo? It gets the message across either way, showing that spelling doesn't always matter.
Hope You Can Speed-Read
This is such a niche bumper sticker, and it's so specific that it must have been specially ordered by this person, right? Multiple people don't have a need for this Dave Matthews coverup bumper sticker.
This person has clearly felt the need to explain themselves a lot since they go into such detail about the dent in their car and that they're not interested in fixing it but thank you very much.
No One Asked You
A picture says a thousand words, and you drive your car all around town, so it makes sense that people use a bumper sticker to share their opinions, even if no one cares about those opinions.
Who knows, maybe this bumper sticker is a good conversation starter and people purposely pull up to this car at stop lights to find out what the driver's opinions are. Let's hope they have a couple of good ones ready to go, just in case they're asked.
Changing Your Perspective
If you're going to stick a giant announcement onto your vehicle for the foreseeable future, you might as well make it something helpful like this one. "Be patient... I'm pushing a motorhome."
It must be confusing for people when they see this truck without the RV, though. We hope this sticker comes off easily since it's doubtful that the driver is usually pushing a motorhome around. Maybe it's a magnetic one.
Spittin' Truths About Suburbia
This kind of sticker really makes you go "hmmmm" after you read it, because you wish that you could tell them they were wrong, but honestly, where is the lie?
SUBURBIA: Where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them. Come to think of it, this happens in a lot of places. What's wrong with just leaving some trees intact when you're building communities of new houses?
PT Cruiser, You're A Loser
At least they know that their car is not considered a cool car, and they've decided to take the "if you can't beat em, join em" approach. Give them the punch line before they can even make the joke so you can all get where you need to go.
"Cool PT Cruiser! - Nobody." My friend had a PT Cruiser for a while and he referred to his as a "PT Loser." He would have loved this sticker.
The Beginning Of The End
You told yourself that you were never going to be the parent who drives a minivan and shuttles kids around to soccer, but flash forward 10 years and here you are in the parking lot at the field after practice.
The humbling statement goes to show that even the most popular, in fashion, or wealthy of people can end up basic. After all, we're all just human beings trying to figure out the game of life. Besides, being cool is way overrated.
Enjoy The Ride That Is This Crazy Life
Why is it that people are always "suffering" from insanity, and only havoc is ever wreaked? Let havoc do what it wants and let the insane live their happy lives without you meddling.
According to several sources on the "internet," this quote initially came from none other than the poet Edgar Allan Poe. If that's honestly true, then we like this sticker even more than we did a few minutes ago.
The Only Solution
So, does this mean a ghost is driving whatever car has this bumper sticker, or do you think it's one of those fancy electronic self-driving cars that doesn't need a driver?
Also, if you're going to claim that you're dead, maybe it's best to lie low rather than driving around town. You wouldn't want your boss to see you out and about when you're supposedly deceased, would you? They'll never believe your next excuse.
If Only Trunks Actually Worked Like This
You could probably position this photo to be your lock screen if you wanted to seriously commit yourself to your car, but as far as bumper stickers go, this one isn't half bad.
The trunk on this SUV probably opens with the push of a button on the key fob, so it wouldn't be a huge improvement to open it by sliding the bar. But it's a funny idea anyway.
Where Is The Lie?
We wish that we could debate this one, but they're not wrong. If you're willing to buy this bumper sticker, though, you might have some other flaws which could be why you're divorced.
Actually, isn't it odd that so many people advertise their expensive divorces on their cars? It's a common theme in custom license plates, too. Which is really kind of strange. I think I'd keep my divorce costs private if it were me.
And You're Probably Following Too Closely
You may like to make dumb jokes about how women can't drive, or how you feel unsafe when you let your wife drive, but it's hard to argue with the cold, hard facts.
Assuming the person who placed the sticker is actually driving the car, you are in fact following a woman. Whether she has great leadership skills is unknown, but how many leaders are actually good at what they do?
Mazda Tribute Deserves The Recognition
It may not be the fanciest car, but it gets you where you need to go, and that's all that you can really ask, so let it have its shining moment. This one could be credited back to the comedy rock duo Tenacious D, who have a song called "The Best Song in the World."
"This is not the greatest song in the world, no. This is just a tribute!"
Making Their Stance Clear
Somewhere along the way it became commonplace for people to place sticker-figures on the back of their car to show off their immediate family. Some think it's cute, while others find it annoying. This couple turned the entire thing on its head.
The bumper sticker shows a couple next to a pile of money, presumably to indicate that they have more money because they don't have kids. The dark humor is both true and morbid since money can't buy family. At least the happy couple has one another. After all, kids aren't for everyone.
Look, They're Not Wrong
We both know I'm never going to visit the website that you're advertising on your bumper sticker, so what's the point in pretending? Take the route that this person did and just acknowledge it.
Actually, let's go ahead and check out the website... well, no surprise here. It's blank. You'd think someone would do something with the URL by this point! Just for fun, at least. Put up a silly cat picture or something.
Why Run When You Could Drive?
Distance runners often like to advertise their triumphs by using the "13.1" and "26.2" bumper stickers to signify the distance ran in a marathon or a half marathon. It's a major accomplishment and you should be proud of that, but does it really need to be written on a sticker on your bumper for the next 7–12 years?
What's funny is that this sticker is probably more relatable than the traditional marathon stickers are.
You Have To Be Able To Prioritize
There are only so many hours in the day for you to accomplish everything that's on your to-do list! You have to be able to prioritize all the important tasks first, like this woman.
"Sorry I missed church; I've been busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian." Those are all perfectly valid reasons that someone might miss church. We like this cheeky sticker but guess a lot of people might not find it so amusing.
Dinosaur > Cars
We're doomed to repeat history if we don't learn from it, but doesn't some small part of you wish there was a way we could exist at the same time as dinosaurs?
We're not sure why this person assumes that they'd live during the same time as the dinosaurs even if history did repeat itself, though. After all, they didn't co-exist with dinos on the first go-around. Oh well, they can dream if they want.
Dreaming Of A Greater Tomorrow
In an ideal world, everyone would make a full stop at stop signs, use their turn signals on every turn, never tailgate, and chickens could cross the road freely. That's the true utopia.
If we had to guess who put a bumper sticker like this on their car, we'd probably go with a grandparent. They might think their grandkids would find this amusing or even cool, depending on their age.
Seems Like A Threat
Would ketchup have been the condiment you would choose if you were going to be serving a meal to dragons? Seems like barbecue sauce or hot sauce would've been a better choice, but to each his own.
Also, who are they to assume we'd all be crunchy? I might be chewy and taste better with an aioli-based sauce or a citrus garnish. Saying that all humans are crunchy is a pretty broad statement.
The Dark Lord Is Always With You
In the regular muggle world of the 21st century, "defense against the dark arts" just means you're standing by whatever political party you're affiliated with, and Voldemort is whoever the opposition's leader is.
We've seen this sticker around a lot over the past few years. If you're going to get political on your vehicle, this is a pretty funny way to do it. No one can get too mad at a Harry Potter reference.
Time To Find A New Job
You must be pretty fired up about your job to actively search out and then purchase a bumper sticker that describes your work as "hell." Plus, you then drive this vehicle to work every day, so clearly, you're not shy about sharing your feelings.
We wonder if this person's boss has ever noticed their employee's sticker in the parking lot. Maybe they back their car in so the rear of it stays hidden.
What Does It Mean If You Can Read This?
We're not sure what it says about you if you were able to read this on the first try without any difficulty, but that's a problem you can sort out when you get to your destination.
Any bumper sticker that has the word "poo" or any other potty language gets bonus points from us too. So this particular sticker wins on several different levels. Nice work!
Math Is The Only Subject That Counts
If you're going to send a message to the general population about who you are as a person, you might as well send the message that you're a punny math wizard.
Just don't count on too many people actually getting the joke. They might get the gist that you're a math person but lots of folks probably don't know what "derive" means from a calculus standpoint.
A Woman Scorned
Everyone knows a scorned woman is not someone that you want to mess with, and this bumper sticker tells us that this is not a woman we want to mess around with either.
"I believe in dragons, good men and other fantasy creatures." This person has clearly suffered quite some heartache at the hands of "not good men" and has every right to complain about it, even in the form of a bumper sticker.
No Participation Trophy For You
You thought it was going to be one of those "if you can read this you're too close" bumper stickers, but the joke's on you, that part is implied. Instead, they'd rather insult your fourth-grade reading level.
There's a popular variation of this one that says "If you can read this, thank a teacher." Similar wording but very different meanings! We should all be grateful to the people who taught us to read.
Mind Ya Business
You stay in your lane, he'll stay in his lane, everyone will get to their destination safely, and we can all continue living our lives. It probably wouldn't hurt to keep your distance just in case, though.
By age 70, you've deserved the right to be left alone if that's truly what you want out of life. I just don't know how many people are grumpy enough that they'd actually put the sentiment on a bumper sticker.
Pointing Out The Obvious
This one pokes fun at the baby on board signs by reminding that everyone should be safe. Many adults still have a ton of life to live, but drivers aren't always considerate of that.
Some people drive like they're in a video game, as though they think they are invincible. Regardless of how the driver feels about safety, it's common courtesy to consider those you could negatively impact. This is a humorous way to gently remind crazy drivers to knock it off
They're Definitely A Local
Is there anything more Canadian than having a bumper sticker that apologizes to the person driving too close behind you even though it's completely their fault and you have no control over it?
This fun sticker is a passive-aggressive way to get speed demons to go around you, or at least to back up when they're driving behind you. We wonder if it's ever effective at making someone rethink tailgating someone.
Accepting The Sad Reality
You know when you purchase a minivan you're not going to be getting a lot of compliments on your vehicle. No one is going to stop you at a gas station to tell you how nice your minivan is.
Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself, and this funny sticker is the perfect way to announce that while you realize your minivan isn't cool, it's just a part of who you are now.
Keep Your Opinions To Facebook
The only reason you get a bumper sticker to share your opinions is if you feel passionately about something and every other person in your life is sick of discussing that particular topic with you.
Note that the sticker doesn't actually discuss what any of the person's opinions are, it just announces that the driver of this car has some opinions. Presumably, they'll be happy to share those opinions if asked.
We All Know It's True
Part of being a parent is reminding your children just how much you've sacrificed for them in their lives and how much they've cost you over the years. You might as well start reminding them from a young age.
This is so much cooler than the standard "baby on board" stickers that rise and fall in popularity over the years. Plus, we love the stencil effect of the kid's image.
Bit Of A Catch-22
Maybe if you weren't spending money on silly things like bumper stickers you wouldn't need to have a bumper sticker explaining to other drivers that you have no money left.
In case, for some odd reason, you really love this sticker, you're in luck. You can also buy the statement in t-shirt form on Amazon. Heck, you can even get a tattoo of it if you like it that much.
Honk If You Can Relate
He's just saying what everyone else driving on the freeway is thinking as they sit in traffic making them late to work for the third day in a row because the kids wouldn't put their shoes on fast enough.
In case you weren't aware (we weren't, either), Holden is a former Australian automobile company owned by General Motors. In 2020, GM announced that Holden would be replaced by GM Specialty Vehicles.
You Had Fair Warning
If you're the type of person who honks at other drivers thinking that it's going to improve the situation, you have to accept the consequences and be aware of what you're getting yourself into.
This is one of the more threatening stickers we've seen. We think we'd go out of our way to take a different route to our destination if this car was anywhere closeby. We prefer living and being alive, thank you very much.
Harsh But True
You may think that everyone on the road cares that your daughter plays basketball, your son plays hockey and that you have two cats, and you're probably going to continue to think that, so we won't burst your bubble.
Actually, we are going to burst that bubble. Sorry. We're secretly laughing at you for bragging about your average family via a dumb bumper sticker you've plastered on your beat-up Honda.
Free Advice
Don't believe everything you read on a bumper sticker or every piece of unsolicited advice you receive, but if you're going to choose to believe any of them this may be the one for you to trust.
This one pretty much tells people that they're probably wrong about a lot of the things they believe. It's not the friendliest statement in the world to be advertising on the back of your car.
