Neighborhood rivalry is nothing new, which is why they've made so many movies about it. However, no Hollywood flick could compare to the real-life feuds that exist between neighbors. Some neighbor complaints are too good to be believed, like the kid who was caught throwing cheese on their neighbor's roof, or the person who repeatedly left their trash bag out in the hallway of their apartment building. We took it upon ourselves to find the most hilarious messages left by annoyed neighbors. Read on for a hearty laugh and a newfound appreciation of your neighbors.
Every Step You Take
The Police's "Every Breath You Take" is arguably one of the creepiest songs in rock n' roll history. However, the lyrics are a perfect fit for a downstairs neighbor who is sick of hearing the person upstairs.
The song's chorus normally ends "I'll be watching you," but this clever complainer changes the line to "Is really audible through the floor." They could have tried to rhyme with the song's line by saying something like "I'll be hearing you," but the abrupt shift in tone at the end is way funnier.
Don't Mess With Protective Parents!
This note is polite and kind all the way through, with the exception of just one little word: Godless. That word stands out not only because it's written in all caps and underlined, but because it doesn't seem to fit the tone of the rest of the message.
Clearly, Barb and Tom wanted to toe the line between representing themselves as good people to their new neighbors, and making clear that they are a force not to be reckoned with. This note goes to show that parenting can bring out the lion in even the kindest of people.
The Fighting Couple
While this note is a bit of a downer, there are two key elements that make it hilarious: the heart signoff and the 2:00 AM timestamp at the bottom. Some couples bicker more than others, but you know it's a major issue when the entire building wants to complain about it.
At least the author of the note didn't mention any specifics about what their "personal business" consists of. They also did a kind thing by offering other options to the couple, such as fighting out in the car. We probably would have also suggested counseling.
The Stolen Ferret Water Bottle
It's surprising how often packages are stolen by the neighbors. What's more shocking is that a package containing a ferret water bottle was taken. The angry neighbor who wrote this letter mentioned that the bottle was intended for their cat, but ferrets are also a popular domestic pet, as was the case in the movie Along Came Polly.
Whether the thief actually has a pet ferret or stole the package prematurely, it's about as funny a case of stolen property as you can get. Props to the person who posted this note for ending it with sarcasm.
Not What He Meant By A Painted Fence
This passive-aggressive note is charming for many reasons. For one, it is written in large letters across a fence, which means it'd be just about impossible for anyone driving by to miss it. In fact, you can tell that the photograph was taken by someone driving by, through the passenger's side window.
Another great aspect of this note is that it technically accomplishes what the neighbor had asked. The fence is an eyesore and would probably be better off being torn down and replaced altogether. However, that's for the owner to decide, not Bob.
The Sarcasm Winner
This letter definitely takes the top prize in sarcasm. The repetition of the word "awesome" is clearly meant to convey how loud the speakers are. Furthermore, you could replace every positive adjective in this note with the word "loud" and it would still make sense, and probably be more honest.
We'd imagine that the person writing this looked a bit crazy at the time, like when you're so angry that you burst into laughter. Something about the word "envious" in the sign off really drives home the message, as does the mention of "hundreds" of neighbors.
The Barking Dog
Most people who have dealt with a neighbor's noisy dog would be able to understand the desperation evoked in this note. Unlike most of the other letters we've seen, this one isn't demanding that a specific action be taken. It also doesn't so much as mention a threat or potential consequence.
Whoever wrote this was beyond the point of writing a thought-out message. We imagine that they were in some sort of catatonic state when they stumbled up to the wall and wrote "Your dog barks," and then followed it up with half a dozen more "and barks."
Stop Throwing Cheese!
Rather than writing a note and putting it on Eric's door, these neighbors made a public announcement about what he's been doing. Most people wouldn't dream of throwing cheese at all, especially onto the roof of their neighbors.
What remains a mystery is how these neighbors became aware that there was cheese on their roof in the first place. They must have a rooftop deck. Either that or Eric has poor aim and it landed on the window a time or two. Either way, he certainly got what he deserved now that the entire neighborhood knows of his ill deeds.
Not How We Do It In The States
Its no secret that some European customs stray from American norms and vice versa. However, it isn't fair to refer to the person as your "German neighbor" and then remind them what privacy means. Despite being a mild form of stereotyping, it is a funny note.
We don't want to know what the author saw that prompted them to write this note. The request to either shut the blinds or kill the lights suggests that something was seen that shouldn't have been, and that's all anyone really needs to know. Your imagination can take things over from there.
A Fair Warning About Call Of Duty
Self-awareness is an important trait to have, and one that this neighbor clearly has a lot of. It takes someone who is very comfortable with themselves to be able to admit that they can get carried away with videogames.
It's funny that they put the words "commotion" and "slurs" in quotation marks, as though they are a more modest version of what they really are meaning. You have to wonder how bad things got before the cops were called on them.
Poor Singing Reviews
This note should be printed in every dictionary as a model example of sarcasm and passive aggression. The all-caps at the top is priceless, as is the singing/screaming comment. You can practically hear the terrible performance in your mind without having been there.
We also appreciate the use of two different colored marked to ensure that the complaints stand out more than the reviews do. Each review, however, is masterful. The partying neighbors probably felt like an American Idol contestant who was just annihilated by Simon Cowell after reading this.
No Pictures, Please
Sometimes, living in urban areas comes along with a lack of privacy. We've all seen an action film where a detective is able to get the evidence they need simply by peering into a high rise building at night. Especially when it comes to balconies, you can't be too sure who's watching.
However, this sign seems like it's targeted at someone specific, rather than being a general message to the public. It's a creepy thought, but what if this photograph was actually captured by the very person the sign was addressing?
For Aesthetic Purposes
This note is a little harder to read do to the person's cursive, so we'll spell it out for you: "Dear Homeowners: Please keep your blinds lowered (at all times) across front of your home-- for aesthetic purposes." It's then signed with a thank you from a walker, jogger, and bicyclist.
We can't say for sure if there is an individual walker, jogger, and biker or if they are all three the same person. Everything about this note is vague and unusual, which is what makes it so funny. Plus, how closely is this person looking to be perturbed by the decor inside of their neighbor's home?
You Are Dinosaur?
This note goes to show that sometimes the simpler, the better. For those who may not be as familiar with poetic forms, a haiku is a poem if three lines, the first and last of which have five syllables, and the middle one with seven syllables.
That's why the author had to omit "a" from the last line to pull off a long word like "dinosaur." But that also adds to the humor. Writing a haiku isn't as simple as it looks, but then again, neither is telling your brand new neighbor to pipe down.
We're going to go out on a limb here and guess that this person didn't really think that their neighbor was performing an exorcism. The mention of expelling demons was probably referring to other activities that were equally loud.
Since they requested said expellings to be limited to Friday and Saturday nights, we'd guess that it was partying on the weeknights that prompted this neighbor to complain. We would give this note five stars for creativity.
Christmas In March
You know that whoever this note is referring is probably the same neighbor that leaves their Christmas lights up year-round. That's the only kind of person we could imagine playing holiday music first thing in the early morning three months after Christmas ended.
The emphasize of "VERY CLEARLY" suggests that it isn't merely a muffled jingle that they're hearing. Rather, it's every lyric of every Christmas song that they're having to put up with. Kudos to them for lasting so many months before finally having to say something. We also appreciate the "Merry X-mas" sign off.
Who Called The Cops On My Flamingoes?
In case you can't see those itty bitty words on the sign, it reads "TO: WHOEVER CALLED THE POLICE ON MY LAWN INSTEAD OF TALKING TO ME LIKE A GOOD NEIGHBOR: YOUR MOVE." Apparently, someone wasn't very fond of a few pink flamingo decorations.
It seems absurd to call the cops on someone's choice of lawn decor. Even worse, it's not like they have a lawn with terrible curb appeal. The grass is green and everything seems generally well-manicured. Perhaps the complainer has an intense phobia of flamingoes. Whatever the case, we're dying to know what happened next.
The One Advantage Of Having Thin Walls
While hearing someone else's television can be incredibly annoying, at least this neighbor might have the advantage of discovering a new movie to watch. You have to wonder if the person who received this note actually responded back with the movie title.
In all seriousness, this message was probably written with a heavy dose of sarcasm. Especially with that blunt period at the end rather than an exclamation point, we aren't buying that the author gave a care in the world what the movie was. If they did, they should have knocked on the door and asked to join in on the movie night.
Not The Giving Tree
There must have been a ton of neighbors stealing from this poor guy's tree for him to want to do something about it. Many people who grow their own produce end up with more than they can eat themselves. Not Mark, though.
He didn't just put up a large sign near the tree; he made tiny notes to attach to the fruit itself. At that point, he may as well have picked all of the fruit before others could get to it. Clearly, this annoyed neighbor wanted to send a message.
Don't Mess With MY Man
This neighbor certainly appreciated not being acknowledged, especially by the woman who is trying to get her husband's attention! The note bluntly states, "If you're not going to wave at ME -- please DO NOT WAVE at my husband."
The author drove home her point with very intense underlining and capitalizations before continuing, "It makes me very angry and uncomfortable." The upset neighbor concluded with a threat: "I don't want to have to come face to face about this." That would be one awkward conversation!
You've Been Warned
No one knows pets like the owner does, but apparently, this homeowner's advice about her cats has been ignored in the past. That's why they felt compelled to leave three notes urging the neighbors to avoid letting out the cats!
One of the notes reads, "Do not let the cats out they will try to run out when you open the door!" It's worth mentioning that the note is written in all caps for extra urgency. The next note warns that "the big one" will feign disinterest before darting outside! That's one clever cat.
Honesty Is The Best Policy
This neighbor certainly isn't afraid to be honest. Telling the truth can be a good thing, especially when it comes to the people you live near. However, this note was a little too brash for comfort. In giant letters, it reads, "YOU SING HORRIBLY!"
Okay, ouch. Hopefully the person this note was intended for didn't have a deep-down longing to sing professionally one day. The note is even signed "Anyone who has hearing." That's just rude.
At Least They Understand
The person behind this note definitely knows how to implement sarcasm. Let's first acknowledge that they didn't even handwrite the note. They actually took the time to type and print it! The first line succinctly states, "Dear whoever stole my Amazon package."
There are then several spaces before the note continues, as though to intensify the suspense. Then it continues, "I can understand your need for 30 rolls of toilet paper considering you're a huge..." need we say more? That one line had so much packed into it that all that was left was the sweet sign-off: "Enjoy, your friendly neighbor."
The Backhanded Compliment
This note is the perfect example of a backhanded compliment. It starts off seeming kind enough. The author writes, "You have a beautiful house." Great start, but then it rapidly goes downhill from there.
The note continues, "But your mailbox is ugly." Okay, no one asked this neighbor's opinion. It's not like the homeowner is blissfully unaware of what their own mailbox looks like. The real kicker is the last line, though, which bluntly states, "Change it with a better one." Talk about entitled! Who is this person to make demands regarding another person's property?
Keep The Exorcism Down!
You've got to love the use of metaphor, especially when it comes to discussing sensitive matters with the neighbors. This note cleverly states, "I hope the exorcism last night was a success! But... please before you do again, grease your bed post."
There's enough context clues buried in there for someone of age to know exactly what the author was talking about. We just hope there weren't any kids who read the note and now think that their neighbor is expelling demons in their bedroom at night.
This person came prepared with evidence to show how outrageous it is that their neighbor is avoiding taking out their trash. How someone could be so comfortable with trash piling up by their front door is baffling.
According to the note, this neighbor had left their garbage out for 4 days and counting! The worst part is that they live "20 steps from the garbage chute!" We have a feeling that the author literally counted the steps. They've even been spying on the neighbor enough to know that they walk the dog right by the dumpster all the time!
The Miracle Of Childbirth
This note isn't written by an upset neighbor, but rather is by someone who was genuinely concerned for their neighbors due to what was about to happen in their apartment. The note reads, "If you hear someone in Apt. 1, it is just my wife -- she is in labor."
We love that they didn't even bother to specify what their neighbors might hear! Who knows what sorts of sounds are going to come out of that woman as she experiences the miracle of childbirth. It's a good thing he warned the neighbors so they don't call the cops.
That Punishment Does Not Fit The Crime
This grandparent may be just a dash too protective of their granddaughter. They took the time to type up a very angry letter that's written in large font to be sure it doesn't go missed.
The note reads, "To the person who stole my 4-year-old granddaughter's paddling pool, I hope you drown in it." Alright, that seems like a bit much. As they say, the punishment should fit the crime. We're pretty sure no judge would sentence someone to death for stealing a toy.
The Plant Dilemma
Those who enjoy dry humor will get a kick out of this note. It starts off explaining to the neighbor that their plant "fell off the ledge overnight." From that information alone, we can surmise that the author must live directly below the person the note is addressed to.
They go on to write, "Unfortunately, the pot did not survive the fall. The plant itself was in somewhat of a catatonic state, but we managed to assure it that everything would be okay." This note sounds like the start of a great friendship between neighbors.
Really, You Shouldn't Have
This person turned a neighborhood nuisance into a work of chalk art. Someone didn't pick up after their dog, so their neighbor decided to highlight the mess by drawing a chalk sun around it!
They then cleverly wrote, "Thanks good neighbor for this ray of sunshine but you shouldn't have." They put "you shouldn't have" in a different color for extra emphasis, just in case anyone didn't pick up on the sarcasm. All of that passive aggression will probably make the dog owner think twice next time.
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
They say that no good deed goes unpunished, and this neighbor note is certainly an example of that. It starts off, "To whom that wanted to be a superhero and take my cat to the pound." The author was so upset that they couldn't even make grammatical sense.
The note goes on to say that the cat owner couldn't "afford to post bail," referring to the pound charge. They also explain that the cat dislikes collars, so that's why it didn't have one. Someone handwrote a reply to the note and pointed out that the cat is male, not female, and that the "bail" is only 50 bucks.
One For The Harry Potter Fans
The person who wrote this note tried to get on their loud neighbors' good side by criticizing them through a Harry Potter reference. They hilariously addressed the letter to Hagrid, who is a giant character in the franchise.
In case the recipient isn't familiar with the books, the author started out by saying, "I understand you're half giant, but could you try to be a little more light footed?" The note took a sharp turn away from politeness in the next line, which includes a few profanities and demands that the neighbor "stop stomping around." Talk about good cop, bad cop.
Invest In Some Ear Plugs
This person is self-aware enough to warn the neighbors about what will undoubtedly ensue once they start playing their new video game. They start out by first apologizing in advance for the "commotion" that is going to take place over the course of the next month.
The author goes on to explain that they got Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, which apparently is a legitimate excuse for screaming profanities. This must be an ongoing issue, because they also wrote, "No need to call the cops again." The note's postscript advises the neighbors to "invest in some ear plugs." Great.
The Creepy Van
They say don't just a book by its cover, but what about a vehicle? In this case, someone couldn't stand the creepy feel of their neighbor's van. It perturbed them to such an extent that they had to write a note.
The author at least started off saying "no offense," but then they confess that the van looks so creepy at night that they'd rather the neighbor parked it in front of someone else's house. The person was at least nice about it by throwing in some appreciation and a smiley face. Then again, maybe they were just too scared to be rude.
Hope Your Wi-Fi Is Okay
When wi-fi came out, many were elated to discover that they could get internet access without having to actually purchase internet. Though many have grown savvy to wi-fi passwords, some neighbors still leech onto the wi-fi of others.
Here we have Exhibit A. This person tried to mask their desperation for their neighbor's wi-fi with concern about the residents' well-being. They asked the neighbors moved since the wi-fi no longer works. The author wrote, "Hope it's okay" before crossing out "it's" to put "your" instead. They then signed off with a hugs and kisses symbol, as though that will win him back the free wi-fi.
Is That A Threat?
The best part about this note is that there is absolutely no context given. Instead, we're thrust into the middle of a neighborhood rooster dilemma that has clearly driven one person mad. They wrote, "This rooster is a serious problem!!!
He is going to get hunted if someone doesn't get rid of him!! Pre-Warning!" We can only guess that the rooster is waking everyone up first thing in the morning. Sleep deprivation has driven one neighbor to the brink of violence. It's a classic case of the early bird versus the night owl.
A Picture Says A Thousand Words
Sometimes, the only way to get a message across is through an image rather than a long letter. That's what this person did to express their concern about the noise coming from upstairs. Instead of writing a lengthy note to the neighbor, they found a photo of cement flip-flops.
Beneath the photo reads, "Upstair neighbors favorite shoes." They didn't specify who the image was referring to, so hopefully, the message left an impression on everyone living on a higher level.
Reprimanded By A Middle-Schooler
Not all neighbor notes are written by adults. Some children are taught young the power of expressing their concerns, such as this young girl. She boldly wrote, "I'm tiered of you wakeing me up during the night. When I go middle school in two weeks I'm gonna need to wake up at 6:15!"
Wow, powerful stuff. The child goes on to threaten to call the office if the neighbors wake her up with their stomping one more time. "The office" is the equivalent to the police at that age, so you know she means business.
No More Flower Destruction!
Plants are legitimate parts of the earth, so taking care of them is important. At the same, do we really need to get the police involved in plant plucking? According to the neighbor, the answer is absolutely yes.
They left a note reading, "The mayor and the police have been notified -- watching for any more flower destruction and theft." This note says so much in so little; it's quite amazing. They didn't just call the cops. They called the MAYOR. Next, they'll be running for president with the slogan, "No More Flower Destruction!"