Weirdly Relatable Things About Public School That Prove We All Had The Same Childhood
Grade school was a very strange time in my life. In fact, looking back at my memories (though many of them have been repressed for my mental well-being), public school seemed like a 14-year long fever dream.
While our weird experiences from public school may have felt unique to us, there are some strangely relatable things we experienced in the public school system.
Somehow They Managed To Make Something Worse Than One-Ply
The toilet paper in grade school was some sort of unholy mix between sandpaper and sheet wool and I would do everything in my power to not actually need to go to the bathroom all day.
Seriously, What Were They On?
Everyone else would be weary, haggard, and half asleep in the morning dragging their feet to homeroom while the drama kids were already yelling and jumping around with the energy of 2,000 suns.
Teachers Really Tried To Act Like That Last Minute Mattered
Teachers would get so upset that you'd start packing up your belongings 20 seconds before the bell as if you hadn't been zoned out for the past 15 minutes anyway.
And No One Blinked An Eye When It Happened
When I was in the first grade, I started to feel unwell during reading time but I didn't want to miss part of the story. So instead, I just vomited on the carpet next to where I was sitting criss-cross-applesauce.
Cue The Dramatic Screams!
It didn't matter whether you were seven-years-old or seventeen-years-old, there was always that group of melodramatic screamers who'd act like they'd never been in a dark room at any point in their lives.
Sleep? Never Heard Of Her
High school was just a ceaseless cycle of rolling up to homeroom class and complaining about how tired you were and going to bed at midnight after extra-curriculars and doing homework for hours. Rinse and repeat.
The Contradictions Give You Whiplash
Teachers will constantly remind you that you need to start your essay weeks in advance but still will expect you to bang out two essays on a test within one class period. Where is the consistency?
Teachers Will Do Anything To Prevent Item Theft
In the defense of teachers everywhere, I ended my grade school career with two stolen Texas Instruments calculators, sixteen stolen pencils, and one textbook that I "lost" and blamed the school for losing in the tenth grade.
Everyone Had The Cafeteria Schedule Memorized
There was nothing like the tension and anticipation students felt as they watched the clock count down the seconds before lunch period started and braced themselves to beat the crowd to the cafeteria line on the "good food" days.
Doing This Was A Direct Sign Of Psychopathy
I can't even look at this photo for more than ten seconds without getting vivid flashbacks of Trevor from the sixth grade who believed this was peak comedy and disgusted everyone.
Oh No, We Went Too Far This Time
I would like to take this moment to apologize to Ms. MacDonald for my rowdy AP History class's behavior on that one day where we made her sob uncontrollably during fifth period.
High School Was Such A Lawless Arena Of Social Rules
Things that were perfectly normal in high school would never be acceptable outside of the school halls. Why was it perfectly normal to eat the at-best questionable meals we did?
The True Heroes Of The School System
Not all heroes wear capes. Some of them are merely the well-adjusted and organized students who finished their projects on time and took the first few presentation spots to protect those of us who procrastinated.
We All Had A Hissing Girl
This girl wore all black on a daily basis, had intense rings of black eyeliner, listened only to My Chemical Romance and also had those bangs that covered her one eye. Fingerless gloves were optional.
THE MITOCHONDRIA IS THE POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL
There are exactly two things I will never regret from my high school experience: the time that Garrett set the counters on fire with the bunsen burner in chemistry class and that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.
These Games Could Create Beef Between People
It doesn't matter if you've been best friends since the first day of kindergarten, you will skewer that person if it means that you'll take the win on classroom Jeopardy and be rewarded a full-size KitKat bar.
Why Did People In Math Problems Need So Much Fruit
Every math problem was like, "Jennifer went to the store to pick up some watermelons for her dinner party of six. If each person needs to eat 76 watermelons per course, how many will she need?"
"No, Tell Us More About Your Passion For Miniature Figure Painting!"
The closest thing we will ever achieve to true teamwork is the way a whole class would work together to question the teacher and con them into telling us about their dog until the period was over.
"But I Gave You A Copy!"
Even worse, teachers would scan and print indecipherable blurry pictures onto the tests and expect you to label every little aspect of the diagram. I truly shudder at the memory.
This Was My First Taste Of Power
Whether you were the helper of the day, the line leader, or the hall monitor, you got a taste of the delectable position of having power over your peers and you relished in it.
Just Another Day For Us, Really
Mid-class screaming would create a stir for about a month before everyone was able to identify exactly which class the frequent screams came from and just roll their eyes whenever they heard one.
There Was Nothing Like The Satisfaction Of Defeating Science
I cannot tell you why magnets were such an integral part of our public school education, but I can tell you that all of us were hellbent on making too repelling magnets stick together.
Substitute Teachers Had To Either Threaten Us Or Perish
Children are horrible. The second a substitute teacher would enter the room, the entire class immediately took it into their hands to undermine their authority. Only the strong and innovative were able to survive.
Zone Out Once And You'd Be Lost For The Rest Of The Unit
Math class was all fun and games until you blinked and suddenly the entire board was covered in a unintelligible mosaic of numbers, letters, and squiggly lines that the teacher is seconds away from erasing.
Highest Stack = Highest Social Standing
Chairs had such a fundamental role in the social hierarchy of grade school. Not only was the person who sat on the stack powerful, but the person who could carry the heaviest stack of chairs back to the classroom was the alpha.
We Are Free From Your Control!
Teachers were absolute deluded fools if they thought that they could still maintain order in the classroom after final grades had already been submitted and the last day of school ended.
It's Been Three Weeks, Justin—Get It Together!
It could be the last day of the semester and some clueless freshman would still wander into the home economics classroom thinking that they had made it to gym class.
So Close, Yet So Far
Just when your life had achieved peace and prosperity, the teacher would manipulate the seating chart and break up your friend group like Voldemort scattering all of the horcruxes.
Public School Bathrooms Were Pure Chaos During Break
At any given point between periods or during recess, there was some sort of absurd activity going down in the school washroom that would prevent any outsider from even daring to enter. During class time was the only safe entry period.
This Was My First Heartbreak
Having the person you have a crush on not reciprocate the feeling was only half as painful as finding out that your best friend had decided to do the group project with someone else.
